The Secret to Re-Engage and Reconnect With Your Spouse

Sunday, April 22, 2018

Hey Friend,

Do you ever feel your mind racing from one item to another on your to-do list, that you don't actually have enough time to engage with the people who really matter in your life?

A lot of times, I find my mind filled with so many worries and tasks that when my husband or kids tell me something, their words just go to the back burner of my thoughts, instead of giving them my full undistracted attention.

I believe that a lot of relationships suffer because we engage with the people around us superficially. Our bodies are present in the moment, our ears can hear the words, but we can't really feel what they are saying or be truly empathetic with their needs.

We have so much to do, so much to worry, so much to race around! Who in the world has time to slow down and have a real conversation with a spouse?!

The downside is that we think the solution is somewhere else. Outside of us. We blame ourselves because we are not making enough time to go out on dinner dates, or special marriage activities, or couples retreat, when in fact what we need is to learn to engage with our spouse in the mundane, in the busyness of life, when it counts, where it counts.

Ok, friend, before you give up, there is hope at the end of the tunnel! What if you could have an instant switch where any time your spouse is around you or talking with you, you have the power to switch your emotions on and be tunned to him and him only?

Here is the secret: You can only feel what you think. So, your spouse is sharing with you about his hard day at work and you are thinking, "I have to get dinner done before the kids start asking for snacks... Should I go to the gym tomorrow morning?... Oh, I forgot to sign up a paper for the school registration... I wonder if that blouse I saw online is still on sale...... And on and on it goes.

You can hear his words, but you have so much going on your mind that you actually start to resent that he is wasting your precious time on a conversation. "Doesn't he realize that there is still tons of homework my son/daughter needs to get done before tomorrow? Why is he not offering to help with dinner? I am already stretched thin around here, I don't need one more person asking me for advice!"

This is a dangerous cycle of thinking friend! Because all these thoughts will become emotions, feelings. Over time you will not feel as close to your husband as before and will slowly disconnect from his feelings and then from his person altogether. 

Now friend, do you want to live differently? Think back to the days you used to date your spouse and how every word he spoke meant the world to you! You were 100% engaged with each other, and it felt so good, so complete!

Are you ready for a change? It is actually not that hard. Here is what I encourage you to do. 

This week, every time your spouse is close to you or speaking with you, I want you to have only one thought in your head, running over and over again, only one. Ready? "Boy, I really like this guy!" That is it! Think as you mean it, right there in the middle of the mess, kids screaming, laundry pilling, dinner burning. Keep thinking the same thought over and over again, until it feels familiar, it feels yours, it feels real.

And guess what? Your thoughts will change your feelings! Here is a little example: Are you worried and frightened right now that your airplane is about to fall? Probably not! One, because you are likely not inside an airplane, and second, this thought did not even cross your mind today.

You can only feel what you think. So, the answer is not outside there somewhere. It is right inside your head! It is not inside your husband's head, you can't control his thoughts! 

See friend? It is very simple but it is also very effective, I challenge you to try!

Now, attention!! There is one more thing that you need to implement. Ready?

When you are saying anything to your husband this week, any words coming out of your mouth, I suggest you also keep running the same thought in your head: "Boy, I really like this guy!"

Please, let me know in the comments below in the next days, your results with this little experiment, I would love to hear how your relationship has been impacted by the renewing of your mind!

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